Helping Older Siblings Prepare for a New Baby's Arrival

Why sibling preparation deserves its own plan

When a new baby is on the way, most planning naturally centres on labour, birth and the practicalities of newborn care. But for families with an older child, there's another layer of preparation that often gets left until the last minute: helping that child understand and feel steady through the change.

This isn't about getting everything perfect. Children of different ages respond differently, and there's no single right way to introduce a sibling. What tends to help most is giving your older child some sense of what's coming, a plan for who looks after them during labour, and a calm, unhurried first meeting once the baby arrives.

Talking about timelines in a way children can grasp

Young children don't experience time the way adults do, so phrases like 'in a few months' can feel meaningless. It often helps to link the arrival to something concrete in their world, such as a season, a birthday, or an event they already understand, like 'after your holiday' or 'when the leaves start falling'.

For toddlers and pre-schoolers, short, simple conversations repeated over time tend to land better than one big explanation. Picture books about becoming a sibling, or looking at photos of themselves as a baby, can make the idea feel real without overwhelming them. Older children may want more detail and the chance to ask questions, including ones that feel a bit uncomfortable, such as whether they'll still get the same amount of attention.

You can also involve them gently in preparations, like choosing a soft toy for the baby or helping set up a corner of the nursery, so the change feels like something happening with them rather than to them.

Arranging care during labour

One of the most practical worries parents have is what happens to their older child once labour starts, especially if it begins at night or moves quickly. Thinking this through in advance, rather than scrambling in the moment, can make the day feel less chaotic for everyone.

Your midwife can talk through your birth choices as part of your antenatal care, and this is a natural moment to also think about who will step in for your child's care. If a home birth is being considered, one advantage some families mention is that it means not having to leave other children during labour at all, since everyone stays in familiar surroundings. If birth is planned in a hospital or midwife-led unit, you'll need a plan for who collects, cares for and reassures your older child, potentially at short notice.

• Choose at least two trusted adults who could care for your child, in case your first choice isn't available
• Pack a small bag for your child with comfort items, a change of clothes and something familiar from home
• Write down or share key details, such as your child's routine, any allergies and comfort words they respond to
• Let your child meet or spend time with whoever will be looking after them beforehand, if possible
• Agree how and when your child will be told once the baby has arrived

Easing the first meeting

The first introduction between siblings can carry a lot of emotional weight for parents, but for the child it's often just another moment, and it helps to keep expectations realistic. Some children are immediately affectionate, others are curious but reserved, and some show little interest at first. All of these are normal responses.

Where possible, try to have a free hand or arm to greet your older child without the baby directly between you, so the first hug or hello isn't overshadowed. A small gift 'from the baby' can be a nice touch, but it's optional and shouldn't be relied on to manufacture excitement. Letting your child set the pace, whether that's wanting to hold the baby straightaway or hanging back for a while, tends to work better than encouraging enthusiasm they don't yet feel.

If the birth takes place in hospital, keep visits short and low-pressure to begin with. Tiredness affects everyone's patience, including a young child's, so a brief, calm visit often goes further than a long one.

The early weeks: settling into a new family rhythm

Newborns feed often and sleep in short, unpredictable stretches, which naturally means less spare attention for older siblings in the first weeks. Being upfront with your child about this, in age-appropriate terms, such as explaining that babies need lots of feeding and cuddles at first, can help prevent them feeling confused about the shift in attention.

Small, protected moments of one-to-one time, even just ten minutes of reading or play, can reassure an older child that their place in the family hasn't changed. Involving them in simple, safe baby-related tasks, like choosing an outfit or singing to the baby, can also help them feel included rather than sidelined.

Regressive behaviour, such as wanting a bottle again or more clinginess, is common and usually settles as routines stabilise. If you're finding your child's reaction hard to manage, or you're worried about their wellbeing, your health visitor is a good first point of contact, since they typically carry out a new baby review at home around ten days after birth and can offer guidance suited to your family.

Finding extra support when you need it

Every family adjusts differently, and it's entirely normal for the transition to take longer than expected, or for some days to feel harder than others. If you're struggling with your own emotions during this period, or you have concerns about how your older child is coping, your midwife, GP or health visitor are the right people to talk it through with, rather than trying to work it out alone.

Local family hubs, health visitor-run clinics and parent and baby groups can also be useful, both for practical advice and for connecting with other families going through the same adjustment. For more general guidance on birth preparation and early parenthood, you can browse further articles on the /blog, where we cover related topics at your own pace.